So I haven't written anything on here for a while. My bad.
A lot has gone on, with the exception of these ramblings, and quite frankly, its a bit of a stress to write about all of it. However, you'll be pleased to know that I wrote a song about Mary Berry, had a hair cut and finished at Uni.
Now all this means I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing anymore (any more than usual) so I will endeavour to keep this up to date with my goings on and general brain musings. You'll be more in the know that someone who is fully up to date with a negatory response to a question to discover if something is known.
Anyway. I digress.
Basically, I took a wee break. However, you'll be glad to know I didn't have a wafer based chocolate snack.
I was told recently that I was going to die alone with cats. *Sniffle*
The prediction was made by one of those people that I knew well enough to be in a group situation with and so we had been enjoying a good natter.
However I don’t think we were well enough acquainted to be making clairvoyant predictions about the way each other was going to snuff it.
Maybe they just weren’t that keen on me. I can deal with that, I’m far from perfect.
But I had some problems with their statement.
My main one being its impossible to die alone if you’ve got a pet cat.
One of my friends has got a new dog. A little terrier I think but I’m not really sure as Im not a pet-person.
To clarify, by ‘pet-person' I mean that I’m not overly keen on domestic animals, not that I have an owner and/or will fetch a ball thrown a considerable distance and subsequently return it covered in dribble.
Anyway, I digress. All I know is that it is small, furry and brown.
My pal wanted to adopt a dog from the rescue centre and give one of the dogs there a second chance of having the loving owners and a safe home. After many trips to the kennels he finally chose the little fella and brought him home.
I reckon a large part of the reason is that the little pooch is just so cute and adorable. Add in that they pretty much fell in love at first sight (neither is blind, see my previous blog), and the match was pretty much perfect.
However one thing nobody knows is why the dog was abandoned in the first place, because, when the rescue team found him he was in reasonable health. The team at the kennels think that they just found him really quickly.
I, however, have another theory.
The dog in question is called Pepsi, so I think the original owners were just super fussy, and wanted a coke instead.
Is it possible to fall in love at first sight?
It’s a fabulous concept at the very least which countless people believe to be perfectly plausible.
However, as someone who is not currently romantically involved (wink wink) I am very cynical of the whole situation.
Theres a sense of the unknown: you know nothing about the person you have just set your eyes upon, yet, for some reason, you have suddenly attained an incredibly strong emotional attachment for them.
It’s all a bit of a mystery really.
But, and this is the integral question, can blind people fall in love at first sight?
Hard to see how that one works.
(Large print or braille copies are available upon request.)
We are now a little over half way thorough the year and 2015 has been the big one. The biggest one so far, numerically speaking.
I've done stuff, been places and seen things and, hopefully, I'm wiser for it. As a result I thought I'd pop down some things that I've learned so far.
- I'm not very good at writing lists.
As the old saying goes; you are what you eat. As far as my family is concerned, it seems to be pretty accurate.
My dad loves crackers and cheese. Fittingly he's one cheesy geezer and is absolutely crackers.
My mam is a bit of a nutter. And, subsequently she eats walnuts and pistachios faster than an undernourished squirrel at an all you can eat buffet.
My cousin has a lovely girlfriend. He likes to go out with her at least once a week to a fancy restaurant or perhaps catch a film. Fittingly he eats dates.
And my brothers are both fruit fiends. As a result they're totally bananas. You should see them when it's fruit salad for pudding. They're a right pear.
Which just leaves me.
And for the life of me I can't figure out is why there isn't a food called bonkers.
For those keen eyed readers among you, you may remember my blog a little while back about National Sausage Week.
As fair as I’m aware we’ve not missed it. Good news!
But thats not all the food stuff based celebratory news I have. Oh no!
Today (13th May 2015) is International Hummus Day: a day for regaling about the crazy times we’ve all had when a bowl of hummus got out of hand or celebrating those occasions when you've had more dip than a diplodocus.
But as we are celebrating this crucial event, here are some top Hummus facts that you can use to wow your friends with today.
So, as my go to Hummus website says… “Eat some hummus for breakfast, lunch or dinner. You’ll feel great for it.'
I did. I have a stomach ache.
A man walks into a bar.
There is a comedy evening going on in the back of the pub, so after getting his drink he goes to listen.
The laughter is loud and he assumes the comedian must be cracking some great gags.
However, as he gets closer he realises that the comedian is just shouting out numbers and the audience are laughing in response. The comic ends the set with "76", the crowd fall about in laughter and he retires from the stage.
A new performer takes the mic and continues calling out numbers and, once again, the audience are in hysterics.
"16! 52! 23!"
He asks a lady nearby what is happening.
"Well," she replies, "we like to have as many jokes as we can, so, to make it quicker, every joke has a number and the comedian just says the number and we all know what the corresponding joke is."
"53" shouts the comic on stage, and the audience gives a hearty laugh.
"You should give it a go," continues the lady.
"Why not,” he thinks, “how hard can it be to say random numbers?"
So, as the comedian ends, the man makes his way up onto the stage.
He stands at the microphone and says the first number that comes into his head.
"One hundred and sixty eight" he calls.
The audience erupts, laughing louder than ever. Side splitting laughter ripples though the room.
Deciding to quit while he's ahead the man leaves the stage to rapturous applause and heads back over to the woman he was talking to earlier.
"That was hilarious.” She exclaimed.
"We've not heard that one before."
I feel as though my blogs are going well.
And as somewhat of a self-professed blog professional, I've compiled a short list of tips to demonstrate what I've learned since I started.
1. Write lists. They're easy to read and more digestible for your audience.
2. Don't get bogged down. Be simple and straightforward. Trim off the unnecessary fat.
3. Keep it lighthearted. If it's a serious issue you can wash it down with a few good jokes.
4. Put in lots of references to food. A common theme will make the reader hungry for more.
5. Keep it short and to the point. Always ensure you write no more than 500 charact
In the words of Stevie Wonder "the writing's on the wall"!
Which is all very well, but what does the writing say? And possibly more to the point, which wall, and if the local council consider it to be vandalism, who is going to clean it up?
I've never been very superstitious, so I have no major issues with black cats, walking beneath ladders or throwing condiments over my shoulder.
However, I'm not a massive fan of Friday the 13th. I don't know why, it just gives me the tingles, and I feel that it won't be the best of days.
This year I spilt orange juice all down my brand new, clean on, shirt. I missed my train, so had to wait an hour for the next one (which was delayed). And to top it all off, I nearly fell over, grabbed my mam who was beside me for support, and subsequently pulled her down to the floor too.
And if all that wasn't ideal, the day after was Valentine's Day.
So that's two days in a row I didn't get lucky.
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